Great Onion article

Ok. That was a slight misnomer of a title. Every Onion article is brilliant. Just this one made me laugh a lot more than usual.

"Japanese government officials confirmed Monday that the damage wrought on Japan's national infrastructure by the July 16th earthquake—particularly on the country's protective force field, quantum teleportation system, zero-point fusion energy broadcasting grid, and psychodynamic communications network—was severe enough to set the technologically advanced island nation back approximately 300 years to a primitive mid-22nd-century state of existence.

'Japan finds itself in crisis, with our society and culture temporarily reverting to a pre-cyberunification era,' said Japanese prime minister Shinzo Abe, communicating non-telekinetically for the first time in his nearly 150 years of post-cryogenic life. 'Though many citizens have been limited to algorithm-based emotion detection, neutron baths, speed limits below the speed of light, and other barbaric inconveniences for over a week now, I promise we will pull through.'

The United States' offer of $20 million and a shipment of steel, tractors, forklifts, and cranes was politely declined."

Pure brilliance. Read the entire article, there's just too much to copy and paste onto this blog.